Fear of the great adventure

Some mornings I wake up and am nearly paralyzed with fear of what’s to come. My life in Korea will be so different. No boyfriend to  talk to about my day, no daily chats on the phone with my mom, no family dinners on Sunday, no lunch with my dad, no sister time. I won’t speak the language, I won’t be able to always know what foods I am eating. Directions will be a problem

And then, days like today, all I want to do is GO and it’s hard to concentrate on the here and now.

I started this post nearly two months ago. I was waiting and waiting and waiting to hear from the agency about where I’m headed. Yesterday, after a godawful night of no sleep, having my bus card stolen, spilling my oatmeal and coffee everywhere, and leaving my wallet at work for the day, I got my answer. Beginning February 11th of 2014, I’m headed to Daegu, South Korea to teach English.

I still get the fits of fear. I got that email yesterday and started crying. I KNOW I am excited, and that this is a GREAT adventure, but this is big and scary as hell.  I was talking with my friend, Alice, about it and I told her about how this is possibly the most selfish thing I’ve done and how it seems silly to throw away a perfectly great relationship for a job (possibly unrelated to my life goals). She, in her infinite wisdom, said “the last time you threw away an adventure for a perfectly good relationship it turned out not great.” And she’s right. I am doing this for me; to feed my wanderlust, to learn new things, and to meet new people. This is MY adventure and I can’t wait, but, damn, sometimes I get scared.


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